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October 22nd, 2006

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08:10 pm - FREAKS
A repost from MySpace, but I feel that it should be here also.

Dear God of Relationships, Hormones, and Symmetry,
My girl friends and I have determined that we are, in fact, receiving cosmic interference in the realm of attracting individuals of the male persuasion into our lives. This interference includes such incongruencies as muscle-headed over-compensators, delusional underachievers, anxiety-prone mama's boys, self-satisfying playboys, megalomaniacal ingrates, pathologically lying man-whores, and obsessive mass-communicators. We would like to see a change in your method of maintaining cosmic balance in this realm that is - at present - a very important and all-influencing area in our existence. Let us start by saying we will not change our methods of coersion, persuasion, infatuation, or physical prowess. On this, we will not compromise.
In other words, please stop sending us - as the perfectly lovely, lively, quick-witted, engaging, mature, independent, fabulous females - retarded boys who deserve to have rocks thrown at them. We deserve, expect, and require better of this life than what is being offered.
Or you can start making it possible to procreate without penises.
Emily & Co.

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